


Wood, boats and basements

by natuzi



Category: NCIS
Genre: Angst and Feels, Love Confessions, M/M, Unhappy Ending, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-28
Updated: 2019-09-28
Packaged: 2020-10-29 20:09:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20802260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/natuzi/pseuds/natuzi
Summary: Tony needs a break, ever since saving Gibbs and Maddie from the river he can't seem to get his feelings for Gibbs back in the box. But Gibbs won't give him the time he needs off to get his head on right, it ends up with Tony exploding and telling Gibbs the reason he needs a break is to get away from him.





	Wood, boats and basements

**Author's Note:**

> NCIS is my favorite show and its the first time I've attempted to write the characters, all mistakes are mine haven't got a chance to beta it 
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own any characters from the show NCIS, nor do I make any money from this fic.

Tony takes a deep breath to calm himself and goes down the stairs to the basement. His footsteps echo slightly as he takes the stairs down. The sound of the sand paper against the wood calms him down a bit. For the hundredth time, he wonders if this is such a good idea, but he knows he can’t go back now. He sits down on the second to last step, the familiarity of the place calms him down. Even though he doesn’t say anything he knows that Gibbs knows he’s here. They’ve done this before. It’s a comfort. Yet the reason he was here was setting him on edge.

Taking a deep breath. He says "I don’t think this is a good idea" he’d been meaning to say something anything thing but that, but his mouth has other plans. When his brain catches up with him, he gets up heading back up as fast as he can manage. He feels a thug on his hand stopping him on the last step up. Sighing he turns around thinking ‘So close’.

"Gibbs" he says evenly as if he hasn’t just tried to make a run for it.

"Tony" Gibbs replies. Want to tell me what’s going on?

"I’d rather not talk about it " Tony replies avoiding Gibbs eyes.

"You obviously came here to talk about it"

"I decided to change my mind, we really don’t need to talk about it"

"Tony" Gibbs replies with a tone of finality that said he would not be leaving without a believable answer.

"I’m taking my piled-up vacation leave" Tony replies not looking at Gibbs

"For how long" Gibbs asks

"Three months" Tony says bracing himself, Gibbs doesn’t disappoint.

"What the hell" Gibbs replies back furiously.

Tony doesn’t say anything just turns his head away so he did have to look at Gibbs. He doesn’t want to change his mind he needs to do this before something happens he can’t undo. Tony is pulled out of his thoughts by Gibbs fingers on this chin turning his face around to face him.

Gibbs is startled by the anguish he sees in his agent’s eyes. How long had that been there, how had he not noticed the pain there. But a second later he is met with a blank look, Tony had put up his masks.

"Hey don’t do that, don’t hide behind that wall" Gibbs says.

"Gibbs, I need this, I need to get my head on straight" Tony replies trying to will Gibbs to let him walk out that door. But Gibbs being the stubborn S.O.B that he was just held on tighter to his hand.

Tony sighs, he knew the moment he stepped through the basement door tonight that he couldn’t change his mind, the moment he took that first step there was no turning back. He knew yet he wished he hadn’t taken that step.

Gibbs sees the moment Tony gives up fighting, he lets out a sigh and he’s whole posture changes, his shoulders droop, his head hangs a bit and it looks like he has the world on his shoulders. Gibbs wonders for how long. And is once again reminded how good of an undercover agent his agent really was, to be able to hide so perfectly what he was feeling from all of them, not a single crack, he wonders once again how long has he kept those masks in place. Some he knows have been there since his childhood, some so firmly in place that he wonders if he’ll ever get through them. He though he managed to get through some, but it seems new ones have sprung in their place.

"you in trouble?" Gibbs replies.

"Really, that’s the first thing you think of when I say I need to get my head on straight?" Tony snaps "Am I really that much of a screw up?"

"No, you aren’t but trouble seems to follow you around and you have a habit of hiding it from the people that can help you, what’s got your head screw up that you need time to get it on straight".

Months of being on edge and skirting around the issue seems to have finally gotten to Tony when he blurts out before he can even attempt to stop himself "You"

"Me" Gibbs replies "I’ve got your head messed up?" He actually looks a bit hurt at this if Tony bothered to look at Gibbs he would have noticed, instead he just heard the incredulity and a bit of anger in Gibbs words.

"Yes you, ok and hence the need of space and time" Tony says

Gibbs, confused and hurt reacts with is natural default emotion; anger.

"Me what the hell did I do" Gibbs explodes.

Tony rants pacing the basement, it was as if a dam was broken and all his thought for the last 6 months came tumbling out as if they couldn’t get out fast enough and with them came all the anger, resentment, fear and loss "You fucking went and died on me; you stopped breathing. I had to force air into your lungs, I had to think of a world with you not in it. It hurt so God damn much to think about it, it felt like my world was ending. And I had to put my feelings aside to help Maddie because I knew that’s what you would want. It was too much my nice little locked box of feelings went and shattered. I couldn’t put them back in the box I tried, I tried so damn hard to put them back. Its reached a point where when we are in the field I end up distracted thinking of your safety, anything not to have to go through that feeling again. So, I need to get so space Gibbs or someone is going to end up dead and at this point I rather it me than you, which is going to end up getting us both killed."

Gibbs is shocked. How had he not noticed all this for six months. But he’s confused, He knows that he’s important to Tony, but something is not fitting; he’s missing something. "Why" Gibbs replies. Tony finally looks him in the face and replies his expression filled with so much anguish "Because you stupid bastard I love you" the fight leaving him as he sinks on to the floor his back against the wall, his head cradled in his hands. Lifting his head, his eyes still closed he hits his head slightly against the wall once, twice, three times but on the fourth time he feels a hand slide between his head and the wall.

"Stop" Gibbs says looking at him. Tony looks up to see Gibbs vacant expression. "Sorry" Tony says making a move to get up but Gibbs moves his hand to the top of Tony’s head stilling him. Gibbs then sides down next to Tony in a mechanical sort of way. Toy wonders idly if he broke Gibbs and has the urge to laugh. He wonders if he broke himself as well.

"You know I love you right?" Gibbs asks, trying to make sense of the conversation.

"Yeah?" Tony replies startled that Gibbs actually admitted to it. 

"I love you like a" Gibbs hesitates, after all these years it still hurts to think about Kelly.

Tony finishes his sentence for him "son." 

Gibbs gives a slight nod.

"13 years working for you gave me a hint somewhere along the lines" Tony replies but there’s a slight hesitation in his voice, Gibbs doesn’t like it

Gibbs doesn’t respond so Tony continues "for a long time" Tony continues "it was more than enough, nobody ever though I was good enough to be loved and when you did, it was intoxicating and yet painful cause I don’t think you knew you loved me, so you pushed me away. Tony said cringing slightly "But I lived for the moments, the tiniest scrap of you loving me showed through your barriers. And I locked away the part of me that wanted more, what right did I have the person whose own parents didn’t love him, what right did I have to ask the one person who showed me what love actually was to ask for more. So, I locked it up and threw away the key. But then you died and I couldn’t breath and it hurt, it hurt so bad. I felt as if I was dying along with you but I was still alive and i had to stop helping you to help Maddie and at that moment the box broke that decision broke something but then you were alive and I couldn’t fix the box. I tried six months of gluing it, sello-taping it but it just never stayed closed" Tony finished in a rush, the breath coming out of him in ragged breaths. "I need a break boss" Tony says pushing the words out, it sounds hollow and exhausted.

"You love love me?" Gibbs asks a bit stunned finally catching up

"Yes" Tony replies a small laugh escaping he’s mouth from the incredulity of Gibbs tone.

Gibbs stares at him in shock and mutters "But you...your straight" Toy laughs I’m bi, been out with both genders boss. You broke your rules and assumed when I described my dates that they were all women. Tall blond blue eyes can be either gender boss."

"You hate me?" Tony asks needing the answer

Gibbs surprised replies "No, hell no, have I ever given you the idea I was homophobic?"

"No" Tony replies "I’ve known people to not give an indication till they are presented with a situation, and you being a marine I had to check how bad I’ve screwed up before I can do damage control" Shit Tony thinks; he’s so drained that all of his filters are off. He needs to get out before he lets more of his insecurities show.

"I need space Gibbs" Tony says getting up and making a move for the door. But he feels a tug on his hand, he can feel the calloused hands in his and closes his eyes. He really wished he hadn’t come here tonight, he should have just left without a goodbye. "Don’t go" Gibbs says standing up still holding on to Tony’s hand "What happens if you can’t put the feelings back in the box?" Tony turns to face him and there anguish there "Then I don’t come back" Gibbs looks at him "But I need you" There’s a touch of anger there when Tony replies "No you don’t, you’ve been pushing me away for months now" "Tony" Gibbs starts "Don’t" Tony interrupts "I’m exhausted Gibbs" He lets down his masks showing all the emotions he’s been keeping at bay "from trying to fight for every scrap of love, I need to let you go and I can’t do that sitting across from you every day"

"What if I grew to love you" Gibbs replies, Tony looks as if he’s been slapped across the face. There’s anger there and he stalks towards Gibbs "You never lied to be before, don’t start now" he says as he backs Gibbs against a wall, Gibbs doesn’t know when he took a step back, but the look on Tony’s face makes him realize what he just said. Tony kisses Gibbs before he can even comprehend what’s going on. Gibbs flinches and he feels Tony pause before he kisses Gibbs harder before pushing himself away from Gibbs. There’s tears streaming down his face "Shit, fuck I’m sorry" he pushes out reaching a hand towards Gibbs. Gibbs flinches again and the hand drops before he makes contact. Tony looks as Gibbs as if trying to store in his memories every scrap of him. Saying "Goodbye Gibbs, thank you for everything" before turning around and running out the door.

Gibbs lets out a breath and slides to the floor, tears now flowing down his face, he feels an ache in his chest an empty feeling and he doesn’t know what to do. He sits there cradling his head and falling asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> This story is done for now, I have a few ideas for a follow up but I don't think I will have time to write it for a long while so I though it would be better to mark this as complete.


End file.
